who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
