oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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