Taylor Swift is so right about you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
