He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I want to fling myself into the sun
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
