What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
