Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
