I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
