She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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