he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
