I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
