I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
