Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
