We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
