i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
