Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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