You're earring is so big in my mouth
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
