8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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