what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
