dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
