Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
