Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
