He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
