he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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