Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
