yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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