So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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