I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
