do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
this hospital has no fireball
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
