Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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