No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
