My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
