the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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