If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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