So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
