His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
