Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
