There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
