I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
