Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize