In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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