Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
