we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
