is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
