Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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