Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
