I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize