SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
