i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
