clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
