the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
