I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize