Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
