I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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