I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
