I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
