i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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