The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
