Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
