the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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