Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize