You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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