The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
