Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
