i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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