i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
