It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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