He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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