please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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