trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
