Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
