You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
