I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize